What help is a public apology?

For who don't follow the news, Tiger Woods apologized today to... whoever was listening I guess, for cheating on his wife. She was not present.  But his mother and about 40 other handpicked PGA dignitaries and associates were there.

Why apologize to the public? to me?  He didn't cheat on me, I am not bound by a solemn vow of marriage to Tiger. He and his wife may have already had some...er, dialog. Maybe he apologized and asked her forgiveness privately. So why apologize to us?  Or is there possibly some effort to salvage his endorsements and name brand and aaaaall that money he is set to loose? I know, I such a cynic.

But there's a trend here. Earlier this week, the CEO of Toyota, Akio Toyoda, apologized to... once again, people. What people? The Japanese government? Perhaps to the families who had people killed in Toyota cars that malfunctioned - fair enough. But also, it seems, to stockholders, and the public.

A quick search of recent public apologies yielded these names and many more:

• Mark Magwire - for using steroids and lying about it when he broke the home run record in 1998(?)
• Kobe Bryant after raping a girl in a hotel
• Janet Jackson after the infamous wardrobe malfunction
• Michael Vick - for his dog fighting/gambling ring
• Virginia lawmakers - for slavery
• Australia to Aborigines for colonization and exploitation of the race.

With the possible exception of Janet Jackson, since her offense was against the public, none of these apologies seem to be meaningful when you get right down to it. Why apologize to the public for hosting dogfights? or using steroids? How can children multiple generations later apologize to descendants of atrocities committed decades or centuries earlier?

Are apologies becoming things that celebrities do to control damage rather than a vehicle for reconciliation? And worse, is the public learning to expect apologies for celebrity malfeasance, as if they did it to us?

And note: only celebrities do this. I don't have to apologize on TV for my sins. So why do famous people do it?

Wouldn't it be better if Tiger came out and said, "I have apologized to my wife and children, and expressed by desire for reconciliation to them. We are working it out. I do not deserve forgiveness from her, but I still hope that she can find it in her heart. I am leaving behind my philandering ways to become a better man, etc. etc."

I think that would go farther to salvaging 1) his marriage 2) his standing in the public's eyes and yes 3) his endorsements.  But was he really sorry? Or just sorry he got caught? Did anyone see sorrow in his eyes? I didn't. Will he do it again.....?

A little known nugget I found

Cruising around the Rome Reports videos looking for material on Ash Wednesday, I came across this short ad. I dont know why, but something about this advertisement moves me deeply. I hope it is a positive bounce back from the previous post.

You can give up hope now

The so-called Tea Party is just one group among many. They happen to be a disorganized, increasingly vocal movement of vaguely defined conservatives, with no central leadership, and no consensus. Some of them believe they are heralding the end of democracy, exposing Obama as a would-be despot, some are mad about taxes, some feel they are finding a new truth after loosing their jobs in the wake of the recession, listening to people like Glen Beck, reading infowars.com, perhaps even simmering on the possibility that 9/11 was an inside job. Many want some kind of theocracy to be established, based on "biblical principles" like family uber alis and the summary execution of homosexuals, believing that such was the original program of the founding fathers. And there are a lot of them. Perhaps 51% if they all voted.

No. It is I, I who am heralding the end of American democracy, in the next 50 years. Neither the Republicans nor Democrats will bring the end. It will be the under-educated, radicalized masses, unwitting puppets of invisible corporate forces, intoxicated by celebrity idols and beautiful talking heads, consumed with pleasure-seeking and insatiable impulse to physical self-improvement, motivated by holy-war deus vult ethos, adopting alternative doctrines such as dismantling the Federal Reserve, elimination of income tax, isolationism or cessation from the union, with the wide-eyed fervor of a Pentecostal conversion.

In our children's lifetimes. At the hands of an ignorant-of-history, xenophobic, self-righteous, ham-fisted hyper-free-market, fundamentalist mob. Meanwhile, their short memories are enough to ensure that Obama gets blame for the ongoing economic woes. Their appetite for shock, outrage and indignation is enough to wash them into a frenzy of fear-driven revolutionary impetus, for they love nothing more than to feel something. And their newfound activism is simply the most potent feeling-generator - more than G-rated movies, more than their Vicodin addictions, more than cutting or piercing or sex. And it has the waft of holy-do-gooder-ism, but no coin for calm dialog, discussion, consideration, reflection, no intellectual rigor - only a self-proclaimed, self-ordained, self-deception of rigor, sold cheaply on numerous websites. They are like a child lifting plastic barbells.

At the end of the day, they ride uninvited on Republican coattails, feeling that they are experiencing some kind of awakening. They have many prophets. Leading them is Glen Beck. If people think that Glen Beck is a straight-talker, well they are right. We dont have to wonder what he thinks.

As commander in chief, Beck would gleefully issue the order "Shoot him in the head" to terrorist leaders captured in non-combative context, in what some speculate may have been an "arranged surrender" (be sure to watch the clip up to at least 1:00 min on that second clip.)

The same man, in a more religious mood, calls for an American Revival.  Pray to God, love Jesus, kindle divine fervor, worship the Lord, and KILL THE BAD GUYS. No, torture them first, then KILL THEM. Then pray for revival.

It is not in my nature to rant when faced with inevitable catastrophe. I just shut down. And it may not happen in 2012, or 2016. But it cannot be too far off.

So now, I am at a loss. If you watched these clips, you should feel my angst. My hopelessness. My fear for what it will be like 50 years from now. I sense that no matter what happens, America's end is now on the horizon, because it will probably not subside, but escalate. All it would take is for the fundamentalist majority to vote in a demon like Glen Beck or Sarah Palin to our nations highest office. And that doesn't seem too far-fetched to me. Know, my friends, we are the minority surviving this long on their apathy.

You're incredulous, I know. Maybe they're just getting a lot of publicity for being extreme. But I take my cues from history - Greece and Rome, great democracies that fell, as Plato predicted, because of the undisciplined, drunken foolishness of the people into whose hands government was committed.  Maybe monarchy wasn't so bad after all.

The end of an era

Friends,

Beginning today and going into tomorrow, Southwest Florida Presbytery will be having their winter presbytery meeting. A certain committee will be making a recommendation that I, a member of that presbytery, be "divested without censure".

Perhaps some readers will be astonished to find that since Fall 2001, I have been an ordained Teaching Elder in the Presbyterian Church in America, that is, a pastor.

You're thinking [hm. the stuff that comes out of that guy's mouth - he has no business being a pastor anyway. Pastors are supposed to be diplomatic, for pete's sake! But should also crush the serpent under their heels. loving but firm, kind in person and thunderous in the pulpit, asexual but paragons of nuptial voracity, consensus building but independent, clean-shaven but with enough bad-boy mystique to bring in the 'seekers'. Short but tall, handsome but not attractive, dark but not dark.

They should home-school, and their children should piss holy water and find Jesus burned into every grilled cheese.  They should drive used gray '91 Toyota Corollas, cheerfully give all to charity, live contentedly on the mushrooms and berries we give them in our tithes. They should know everything and nothing, be available 25-7 for complaint phone calls, and never, NEVER touch a drop of drink or tobacco, not watch movies or read novels, and be a perfect synthesis of John Wayne, Mr. Rogers and Mother Theresa.]

I agree. I dont really fit the mold of a presbyterian pastor. Pastors are a third gender, so the saying goes. So as of Saturday evening I will no longer be "ordained." An odd thought. Who does the ordaining anyway? Isn't is God? Is it not an oxymoron for a group of people to declare someone not ordained, because the very definition of "ordained" means "established by God before time began."

I'm not sweating that. But to all of my friends who suspect that this is painful for me, thank you for your love. It is not especially painful. It is the end of an era - a long and confusing era for my family and me. But the  memories are painful, and they make it easier to let it go and look forward to what lies ahead. God is still on his throne - let all the world keep silent.

What our Superbowl viewership means

There are two, no three types of people in the world.1) Those who look forward most to the commercials and 2) those who really do want to see the football most. And I suppose there is 3) a small number who do not care about either, like my brother.

My kids seem to be like most people: they look forward to the commercials. They go to the bathroom during the game. They get more chips and hot sauce after a kick-off, once an up-the-field drive gets going, since they know that the network is not likely to go to a commercial during a successful drive. And they wouldn't want to miss a series of commercials.

I will not presume to place myself in a fourth category all by myself. Because I like to hide my arrogance with false humility.
But I have mild interest in the football game (as I would, say, if my son was showing off that he can ride his bike with no hands - "hey, that's great son").

And during the commercials I tremble with fear.

If ever there was a moment when a cultural gun was pointed at my kids, or your kids, or anyone's kids, it is during Superbowl commercials. And the halftime show: well, we will never forget Janet Jackson's wardrobe malfunction, and we'll never believe it was an accident.

How will Go-Daddy further their reputation this year? How much low-brow humor will we endure - stupid fat guys talking about beer and boobs? How much of sexual innuendo of every variety? I was pleased to hear that CBS rejects some commercials, like one for a gay online dating service featuring two young men kissing.

Yeah, get off me. I'm allowed to have my opinion. Like all parents, I want to be, and feel I have to duty to be, the filter of things that come into my kids brains.

Yes, the Superbowl is a a veritable Blitzkrieg of marketing, a Kristallnacht of subliminal cultural messages, which I will have to onerous task of deconstructing with my kids - if I really feel like it. Because it would be so easy to blow it off, to tell myself, they'll get over it, they have to learn how to live in the world.

And yes, they would. They will. If they dont see it on the Superbowl, they'll see it somewhere else like a movie.

But movies are different than a barrage of 30 second power punches, with all best marketing-psychological forces brought to bear to get the most results out of each advertiser's precious millions. One after another they will blitz, like the New Orleans defensive line, trying to sack my kids with their message.

It is a fearful time of year.

[Later] And if anyone says "just dont let them watch it, if you're so concerned", the familial cost of such a move would be worse than simply navigating the Superbowl hype. I would jerk our family into an isolationism that none of them share, which I would not be able to sustain. I would breed resentment and mutiny.

Outrage! Victorian internet sensibilities offended

Today the internet community is shocked, shocked, that Miley Cyrus' little sister Noah is pushing a line of lingere for 9 to 12 year olds. Noah (a girl?) is 9 years old, and she is the not-so-cute face but famous name behind a clothing line called Ohh La La Couture (website down as of this writing).

I must admit, I was ready to start cursing and ranting too when I first heard about it. I was loading ammo into my curmudgeonly culture canon, ready to start howling about this latest sellout, this preteen pimping of children by corporations.

But somewhere in the hype, I looked at the pictures.  And I realized, the true outrage here is the hypocrisy of the internet bloggers and the emotionally-scarred-for-life commentors, who are circling like sharks for some red meat to rip.

Take a look at these pictures. Yes, it's stupid. Yes, it's commercial pandering. Yes, it's more of same of what's been going on since boomers started having children. There's something unsavory about it.

But is it outrageous? Sexy? A new low? Radical exploitation? Not really IMHO. The clothes or...underwear... whatever, is not risque, for underwear. The only problem is the inclusion of an ostensible dance pole in one of the pictures. But even that is losing its suggestiveness, sadly. Is it a stage prop or a phallic symbol? Don't know anymore. That's fodder for another day.

Here's the story, dear reader. There IS no story. Just people WISHING there was a story, and reacting as if there was a story. Because everybody loves a cat fight. Everybody wants the latest outrage. They thrive on it. They live for it. These people love to watch Simon castigate some loser on American Idol, or some wall-flower get kicked off the island, or a plain-faced jilted ex-lover get slapped like a Prussian whore on Jerry Springer, or hear Sean Hannity peddle fear of Mexicans on the airwaves. That's what they want, and what sells advertisements, which all those bloggers have in spades.

But sheesh!  It's not even lingere! It's not even close to a one-piece bathing suit. If we were going to get legitimately outraged, we should have done it long, long ago. And we did. And it didn't change anything. So the latest outpouring of social angst is just emotional auto-eroticism.