Woman with SWINE FLU!

ALERT AMERICA!

THIS PICTURE JUST IN OF A WOMAN WITH SWINE FLU!

Swine flu has been confirmed by every known government agency to be accompanied by grotesque facial mutations like this one. Doctors from every field and practice are stunned and confused by the development. In a closed door session last week, many doctors wept in horror as they considered the implications with President Obama .

The Surgeon General hypothesized openly last night that mankind is actually entering a period of devolution, reverting backward to more animal characteristics. "Man will recede into the horizon eventually, surrendering his reason, language and creativity, being reduced to an insignificant organism."

Meanwhile, G20 nations meeting in private session unanimously agreed that God is punishing the race of men for its ecological crimes, in effect suspending man's place of primacy among the creatures, for squandering his dominion over the planet. Said one diplomat from Ukraine, "Swine flu is proof! There is a God, and he is punishing us for our crimes! Ichabod! Ichabod!"

A team of scientists in Austria have now identified the next animal expected to assume global dominance: the Bactrian Camel. The Camelus Bactrianus is especially suited to endure the long period of global warming expected to engulf the earth, which will further degrade man through the profuse sweating expected to ensue. After the holocaust, camels who are deeply loving, intellectual and witty creatures, will rise up and create a brave new civilization based on liberty, equality, and brotherhood among all camel species - from the Arabian Dromedary to the distantly related alpacas of South America.

If any humans remain, they will be reclassified under the biological family Suidae under the species Posthomonid Sus domesticus. Or, not.

Review of The Machinist

I watched this movie again last night. It was honestly probably the 8th time I've seen it.

Why am I attracted to movies that portray a man dealing with his demons? And are you not dealing with demons of your own? Am I the only one who has recurrent pangs of guilt and regret for things in my past? I know there are a few of you out there. It would help to know who you are. But yes, I too, could easily get caught up on a cycle of denial that leads to insomnia, which leads to hallucinations and waking dreams.

That is what The Machinist is about. Some details about the movie.

1. Stars Christian Bale and Jennifer Jason Leigh
2. Christian Bale lost about 100 lbs. in preparation to shoot the film
3. Was filmed entirely in Spain, though set in LA. Street signs and scenery had to be modified to look like Los Angeles.

This movie is haunting, like no other. It is not a horror film, but it is a psychological thriller. The sound track is so freaking creepy! I love it.

So you're saying, Get on with the review. I can't. I don't want to ruin it for you! I can't even talk about it without stealing from the dark creepy magic! Let me just say that if you like to notice plot details, this movie has them in spades. They are so sweet, most of them. I didn't see many of them until the 3rd or 4th viewing. It just makes me want to thank the director for giving me layers. I want layers! I want you to give me a clue that you CARE about this film you're making. Is that too much to ask? Have you any soul in you whatsoever? Are you an artist or an industrialist? Ah! The Machinist was made by someone who cared enough to put nice foreshadowing and significant props there for the observant viewer to notice.

And if you find truth in the stories of people doing mortal combat with sin, guilt and redemption, you will enjoy this movie.

Hancock, the realistic hero

We like our heroes because they are not like us, although we pretend that we are like them. Take Batman. If we were rich beyond all reason, trained ninjas, had connections to cutting edge government technologies and vehicles, we would like to think... no stop. Forget it. Because you would not, neither would I, go around fighting crime.

No, if you and I were superheroes, above the law for all practical purposes, we would not spend out efforts fighting crime. At least not for very long. Sure, I could see you doing some noble, selfless acts, because you have this ethos inside you that likes to see the bad guy punished.

But it would not take very long before, realizing that you were unstoppable, uncatchable and let's face it, better at determining justice than the cops or judges or legislators...it would not take very long before you would find yourself above the law - not helping the cops, but making up for their stupid restrictions (like the oh so tiresome Miranda rights) and crooks who get out on a technicality etc.

No matter how convinced you are that such laws are good because of the people the protect, even though a few bad guys get away...Yes, now you're thinking Hey, I believe in those laws! But give yourself a few days with ultimate powers and witness a few of the worst villains set free to harm others, and you too will be taking the law into your own hands.

Which is why I think Hancock is perhaps the most realistic "superhero" to come along. He's not rich, good-looking, privileged, he's not privy to government secrets. He also does not give a flip about helping the cops, unless he get's something out of it - like amnesty for his wanton destruction of public property or public drunkenness.

Yes, we like our heroes, precisely because they are not like us, and they feed our fantasy that we could be noble, upstanding, defenders of truth and justice too, if only we had the powers.

But heroes actually serve a better purpose. They give voice to the secret cry of our soul for rescue from a vicious and cruel world. Its not so much the hero himself, but the people who are saved by them. We are them. We also are dangling from a precipice, bound and gagged by a villain who laughs while starting up the big lumber mill saw and laying us on the conveyor belt.

The attraction of heroes tells us that we need a hero, not like Hancock, but like the old Superman. A benevolent god who will move mountains to save us. Just like Lois Lane in the earthquake - we cry for superman, though he's hundreds of miles away, to come save us. We are dying, even dead. But he will do whatever is necessary, even turn back time, even rise from the dead, to save us. We fantasize to think we could be like him. But we desperately need him.